I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
