What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
