This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i think i have two assholes
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
