Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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