How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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