i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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