My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
