Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
