Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
They have beer where we have blood.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
