A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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