The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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