If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
