I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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