There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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