It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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