That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
