It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
