wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
ugly people sure do ruin things
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
