i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize