Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
