??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Screwed.edu
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
