Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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