It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
