Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
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Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
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The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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