I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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