I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina