turn off your phone and go to bed
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.