everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool