Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
