I think I died a long time ago.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
