Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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