Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
