she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
