girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
