White coat. Heels.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
