you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
she pinky promised me she was 18
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
