Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
