Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
