why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
