My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
