meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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