how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize