I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
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He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
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I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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