alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
