help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
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"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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