He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
