True but thats because hes a fetus.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
