In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
