Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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