i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
