smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You need a sexual gate keeper
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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