Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
