i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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