We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
