The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You ruined the universe
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
