This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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