I take back everything I said about communal showers
Even my vagina gasped.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
