apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
