I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Randomize
