your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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