At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
