I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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