the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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