please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
