yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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