i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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