I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
