Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
