Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
