I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you would pick up someone in the library
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
FUCK WHALES
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
