My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
