Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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