I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
