I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
