Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
